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Saturday, 02 February 2008

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Wednesday, 28 December 2005

I have come to the point that the darkness is getting harder and harder to fight. In the deepest thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis I fall deeper and deeper. I don't know what to do other than what I am doing. To fight, it takes a lot out of you and the loved ones that surround you. No one will ever understand truely of how your mind works and if you can fix it. There have been days that no matter what you do, it gets harder to fight and continue. Some days you just want to become invisible so that the ones around you don't know you are there so that they don't ask questions of what's wrong or are you ok. Things such as these (they think are helping) just make the day worse. When asked you can't help but say nothing's wrong I'm just tired because they don't understand, you don't even understand what is making you mad or edgy. Days like these are ones you just keep breathing through so that you can wake up the next morning and try again. You keep fighting, you keep breathing, you keep thinking.

Tuesday, 27 December 2005

Currently Listening
Because of You, Pt. 2
By Kelly Clarkson
see related
To make a long story short, this Christmas even though it was different it was great! My mom got sick wit just about every thing you could from the neck up so she had to lay low and be baby sat. It was ok with me and Bud cause we really didn't want to go to Grandma's anyways. We dred that place every year. Don't get me wrong cause we love our Grandma but it's only cause she's my mom's mom. I hate the rest of my extended family. So it was great that we didn't have to go. It ended up being that we got Bud up at 8 cause Jon called and woke me up even earlier than that. We had Christmas the 3 of us at the house. Mom cried cause our present rocked and then Thomas went back to sleep until 12. It was cool cause at 230ish Jon called and told us that it was time to go. We the three went to Jon's mom's house for Christmas partying with them and it was great. I think over all it was the best Christmas I've had in years. No screeming, no cussing, no drinking (except wine) and no hate. It was great. My goal of Christmas was made. I made my mom cry (in a good way) I got to see Jon and Joey and I enjoyed my time stress free. It was a good change. I'm back in the zoo and it's ok. I needed to get back cause Holland has nothing for me anymore except my family. I mean all of my friends have moved or they don't call anymore. I am ok with being back in the zoo. But anyways I hope everyone had a decent Christmas and I hope that everyone parties hard but safe for New Years!

Wednesday, 02 November 2005

Currently Listening
All the Right Reasons
By Nickelback

see related
- Far Away

For those who still care:

I know I haven't called most of you as of lately or even in the last few months.. and I'm sorry. Life has been hectic yet good, yet heartbreaking. Brett: I know you read these even though you wont admit to it. I want you to know that I miss you more and more everyday and that even though you hate Kalamazoo it's where I need to be to get some where in life and you know that. I'm sorry that I'm not there anymore. I miss that terribly. I want you to know that you have been on my mind for weeks and that I wish you wouldn't forget about me when you shout out. I know I'm not there but there's nothing I can do right now. I know you are mad at me for being here but I have to be, you know it too. I'm sorry that I'm not what you want me to be but I want you to know that I share stories about how my greatest friend from the last 9 years has changed my life and made me who I am. You have been my best friend and you will always be in my thoughts and in my heart. I talk about you all the time. You are my life, my soul connection, my best friend. I'm sorry. B: I know life split us up for some reason or another but I want you to know that I miss you and I wish we were still as close as we were growing up. It was fun. I have so much to tell you when you get the time. Bud: I'll see you next weekend.. hehe..

OH and btw I'm finally 21!! hehe.. big woopy shit..

Butthead, my shout out is for you. I'm proud of you, for changing shifts as well as going back to school. I'm with you all the way! Go get it!! Love you VB!

Tuesday, 11 October 2005

As I sit here after just watching Dawson's Creek again, they've played this season a few times now and it still gets me. Season 4 episode 423 title Coda can still make me cry. I watch it and think of how I played it out in my day. Dawson is leaving for college and Joey is crushed. I can honestly say that I've played both sides. Not only did I leave and leave loved ones behind, I miss the ones that aren't here. You know who you are and I want you to know that I miss you and it sucks knowing my best friend that's been there for so many years and memories is so far away yet so close. I think about you daily hoping you are ok and moving forward in life so that you are where you want to be. It's where you belong... doing what you need and want to do in life.. I hope that getting back is where you end up. I want you to know that moving here, not only was it a good choice when it came to school but it was almost the hardest thing I've had to do. (you know what was the hardest). You should also know that I miss you, I miss talking to you, I miss venting with you, I miss listening to good music with you until the wee hours of the morning. Being "Far Away" is hard. I just wish that some day you'll understand.. I will always love you, and you will always be a part of me.. no matter where we are..

Kate